Thursday, October 13, 2005

i really fucking hate my job. and sometimes i get really mad. like, unreasonably mad. and i just want to break something. i never want to hurt some one (other than the fact that punching something until my hand is bloody seems like it will make the anger go away sometimes). it is a feeling of desiring destruction, though. annihilation. which i realize right now has the word "nihilist" in it. hmm.

ni·hil·ism ( P ) Pronunciation Key (n-lzm, n-)n.

An extreme form of skepticism that denies all existence.
A doctrine holding that all values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated.
Rejection of all distinctions in moral or religious value and a willingness to repudiate all previous theories of morality or religious belief.
The belief that destruction of existing political or social institutions is necessary for future improvement.

also Nihilism A diffuse, revolutionary movement of mid 19th-century Russia that scorned authority and tradition and believed in reason, materialism, and radical change in society and government through terrorism and assassination.
Psychiatry. A delusion, experienced in some mental disorders, that the world or one's mind, body, or self does not exist.

[Latin nihil, nothing; see ne in Indo-European Roots + -ism.]
nihil·ist n. nihil·istic adj. nihil·isti·cal·ly adv.

Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth EditionCopyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.


n 1: someone who rejects all theories of morality or religious belief 2: an advocate of anarchism [syn: anarchist, syndicalist]
Source: WordNet ® 2.0, © 2003 Princeton University

that's pretty bleak, eh. i mean, i believe in stuff. but i do think somethings need to be destroyed. what would it mean if someone who advocates destruction starts taking yoga? even more, what would it means for someone whose world is so much about destruction, what would it mean for that person to have a job where they actually like what they are doing. can i use my powers of destruction for good, rather than evil. tune in next time, folks -- same bat time, same bat..... oh, fuck this. sleep already, damnit.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

these spin me right round, baby, right round.....

.... like a record, baby, right round, right round.

here are some words.

oh, and there was another one damnit. and it was a noun. and so itbecame this wonderous 3-word phrase that was written on my hand all day yesterday.